


In Lieu Of Holy Water

by Ehlihr (Elihaha)



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Humour, M/M, brief mentions of religion, nico is just like [sweats], technically no actual satan worship but jokes abt it, will fucks with nico
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7834789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elihaha/pseuds/Ehlihr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Will, what do you think of religion?” he asks. Nico’s not actively religious, but still considers what little semblance of Catholicism he holds onto as important. He doesn’t really care what Will is or what he does or doesn’t believe in, he just really wants to know.</p><p>Will seems surprised but not off put by his inquiry. “Hmm,” he considers, wrapping and unwrapping his blistered hands with a loose strip of gauze. “I guess I’ve always been into Satan, you know?”</p><p>--</p><p>Nico looks at the camera, appearing distinctly horrified. “I- I don’t know what I was expecting. Mostly atheist, but maybe orthodox or- or Christian- or even Jewish but... I never expected this.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Lieu Of Holy Water

Nico glances at Will. They’ve been dating long enough that he feels this is an important conversation they need to have. Maybe the location isn’t the best - sweaty and panting as they sit on the arena steps, trying to catch their breath after a particularly heavy spar - but Nico has never been one for emotional consideration or timing, so fuck it.

“Will, what do you think of religion?” he asks. Nico’s not actively religious but still considers what little semblance of Catholicism he holds onto as important. He doesn’t really care what Will is or what he does or doesn’t believe in, he just really wants to know.

Will seems surprised but not off put by his inquiry. “Hmm,” he considers, wrapping and unwrapping his blistered hands with a loose strip of gauze. “I guess I’ve always been into Satan, you know?”

\--

Nico looks at the camera, looking distinctly horrified. “I- I don’t know what I was expecting. Mostly atheist, but maybe orthodox or- or Christian- or even Jewish but... I never expected this.” He puts his face in his hands and groans.

\--

“Uh- _what?_ ” he practically squeaks, staring in horror. Nico fumbles with his sword.

“Yeah, dude- you didn’t know? Why did you think I was into you, your dad is like, discount satan.” Will takes a swig of water, not meeting his eyes. He glances at the camera and waggles his brows when Nico isn’t looking.

“ _D_ _iscount Satan-_ ” Nico takes a deep breath and takes a moment to recalibrate. “My dad- he’s not- the god of death and riches isn’t the same thing as the literal fucking devil.”

“Isn’t it, though?”

“ _N_ _O_.”

Will shrugs. “If you say so.”

\--

Nico is sweating. “My dad is satan. I’m the actual son of the devil, _holy shit_ , riches are money and money is temptation and he’s the god of the dead and-?” He pauses, throwing his head back to look away from the camera and up at the ceiling. “My dad is the anti-Christ.”

\--

Nico disappears for a couple days before returning with a spray bottle. It’s lunch when Will asks him what he’s doing with it, he looks at Will with blank, dead eyes.

“I’m having dinner with my father tonight.”

Will doesn’t know if he wants more context for the strangely unrelated non-answer to his question. So, he doesn’t ask. “Cool, want a slice of pizza?”

\--

Dinner with his father is… strange, to say the least.

They pick at the fruit, silently, awkwardly as usual. Demeter is muttering as she eats her shredded wheat, glaring heatedly at Hades whenever she happens to glance in his direction. When Persephone is distracted by her food, he sneers in return.

Nico picks at a pomegranate, but he’s not looking at it. Instead, he narrows his eyes in his father’s direction, as if contemplating something. The tense energy rolls off in waves, the seventeen year old's anxious tapping of the floor with his heel incessant.

“Nico, is everything alright?” Hades asks cautiously, running his eyes over his son’s hunched frame as if scanning for answers.

“Yes, father.”

Hades sighs. _I asked you to call me dad._ Poseidon _’s son calls him dad, and he’s no better a father than I, so why not-_

His trail of thoughts is firmly stopped short by the feel of cool mist over his face. He blinks, feeling his lashes clump together, liquid rolling down his face like sweat. Some lands on his tongue. _Holy Water_ , he thinks.

He sees Nico, holding a spray bottle, his tongue sticking out slightly from between his lips.

“What.” Hades doesn’t really know how to ask without letting out some profanity that would leave Demeter on his ass (in the metaphorical sense, of course).

“I’m just-” he sprays again and Hades flinches, “-testing something.”

There is silence, and then Persephone’s voice cuts through the tension like a hot knife through butter. “Explain.”

Nico hesitates. (Hades understands. Saying the wrong thing around his wife was a one-way ticket to flowerdom, and he remembers his son’s short time as a dandelion as a child. However, being sprayed with Holy water significantly _dampened_ [pun not intended, fuck off Apollo] his mood, so he wasn’t one for feeling very sympathetic for his son.)

“It was brought up to me that father shared many characteristics with the Catholic interpretation of the devil. I wanted to test the concept.”

(At this, Demeter’s eyes widen and she sneaks a look at the camera. _What?_ she mouths.)

The idea is, frankly, absurd. He is very clearly _not_ the devil, he thinks. He is not a red satyr with a pitchfork, spewing cryptics and tempting people into sin for a trip to the Fields of Punishment. On top of that- he wasn’t even a fallen angel _, he was a god_.

\--

“This is ridiculous,” Hades sniffs at the camera. “If anything, I want as few people in the Underworld as possible, we’re horrifically overcrowded and the E.Z. Lines have been doing us nothing.” He rubs at his temples, his dark eyes closing in irritation. “I bet that Solace boy said this. I hope he knows I’m thinking of the million ways he could be spit roasted and fed to Cerberus for this.”

\--

(At camp, Will suddenly shivers violently, his eyes widening. A few feet in front of him, a flower bloomed suddenly before immediately dying, wilting away pitifully. He stuffs away the bad feeling at the pit of his stomach and narrows his eyes. “Okay, that was… concerning,” he mutters, carefully stepping around the patch. His walk turns into hurried scrambling when the plant reaches out and snaps at him in warning.)

\--

“Nico,” Persephone says firmly. “Give me the spray bottle right this instant.”

He does, if not hesitantly. Persephone turns in her hands, considering the object for a moment. “Holy water?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Holy water burns the devil-man, yes?” She says coolly.

Nico nods. Hades watches as a bead of sweat rolls down his temple. _Me too_ , he thinks sourly. Looking at his own wife’s “neutral” face, especially in the dead of winter when her skin was pallid and her colours washed to nothingness, was enough to make him anxious at best, and terrified at worst.

“Interesting,” she hums. Then, without warning, she turns to Hades and squirts the bottle in his direction, her thin mouth stretching into an amused smile.

\--

Persephone glances at her nails. “That was for all those stupid nasty looks he and my mother keep throwing at each other. It’s putting the whole table off.” She sighs, listening to the mumble of a question. “ _W_ _hat_? Spray my mother- are you- ha!” she barks, waving her hand. “Not if I want to hear her yell at me for twenty years. She’d never get over it. I’ll settle with Hades on this one.”

\--

Hades gives a long-suffering sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This- this is not how the King of the Underworld is to be treated at his own dinner table.”

“Sucks,” Demeter snaps, taking the bottle and spraying twice at him. He’s fully soaked, his slick black hair curling.

He looks at his son, who is smiling a small smile. Hades’ glare is enough to promptly wipe it off. He might not be Satan, but his glare is enough to put Nico off for the time being.

\--

“This family is a mess and I hate them.” His eyes are dead. He gets up from the interview chair and promptly leaves. “I hate them,” his distant voice calls.

\--

“My dad isn’t Satan,” Nico says. True to his big spoon nature, his face is buried in Will’s neck, arm haphazardly strewn over his waist. “Hope that doesn’t ruin this for you.”

Will hums. “I mean, I _guess_ I’ll stick around, though you not being literal Satan spawn means I have to get rid of something off my ‘Things About Nico That Turn Me On’ list.”

Nico scrunches his nose and pulls back. “That’s gross.”

He pushes back against Nico. “ _You’re_ gross. You don’t have a ‘Things About Will That Turn Me On’ list?”

Nico scoffs. “Uh, _no_ , that would be ridiculous. Unlike you, I don’t have a list of random father-related traits about you that ‘ _turn me on_ ’-”

\--

“Oh, I definitely do,” Nico says with a grin. “Though, the list starts and ends with a single question mark. I don’t know why I like him, he’s such a dumbass honestly. _And_ he’s a Satan worshipper.” His sleepy eyes widen, and with the purple impressions beneath them, he looks like a feral raccoon in an oversized band shirt. “Oh my god- if we adopt- how the fuck do we manage that with the kids- I’m definitely overthinking this-”

\--

“Um, that makes all the traits sound dad related, which is disgusting and inaccurate,” Will defends. “Only, like, half.”

“Eugh, that’s nasty.”

“No kinkshaming, jerk,” he quips. There’s silence for a moment before Will breaks it. “Hey, this- you’ve been acting really weird since I told you I was a devil worshipper. It doesn’t, like, bother you, does it? Does it ruin… this?”

Nico makes a strangled choking noise. “N-no, it’s fine, it’s just another religion, which is- it’s fine.” It doesn’t sound fine, Will thinks in amusement. He can practically see the horrified, pained expression on Nico’s face.

“Aw man, I’m so happy, babe-” he says, turning quickly to peck a kiss on his lips (missing entirely and hitting his stubbly chin), “I can’t wait to take you to my church one day, the rituals are _really_ fun. G’night!”

Nico’s voice is a choked squeak. “Uh-huh!” he yelps. “G-goodnight!”

\--

Will smiles into the camera. “My family’s all a buncha non-believers. I’m just doing this to fuck with him. This is payback for him telling my dad I owned crocs- which are _comfortable, by the way._ ” He sighs, scratching under his chin and stretching. “So far I don’t regret it. Did you see how high his voice got? Jesus Christ.”

**Author's Note:**

> i was fucking around and talking to my friend @cherryandsisters on tumblr about this lmfao
> 
> anywho comment or smth and thanks for reading im dead tired  
> didnt proofread bc im rebellious n shit  
> follow me @ehlihr on twitter and tumblr and instagram anyway bye


End file.
